"Saving Face" in Employment Mediation: The Critical Importance of the Mediator’s Emotional Intelligence. Post #4

In order to understand the emotions and rationality of others, mediators must first understand their own emotions and manage their own impulses that arise when listening to other people. Self-awareness and self-management guide how we communicate and influence people. To develop a better understanding of ones’ emotional makeup, mediators should spend time reflecting on questions such as, “How do I feel throughout the day?” “How do my emotions influence my decisions?” “How quickly do my emotions change?”

Self-regulating activities, such as meditation, breathing and awareness of body sensations and thoughts can be helpful in developing a clearer sense of one’s emotional state. In other words, mediators should take time to tune into themselves. Developing emotional intelligence takes practice; it is much easier to perceive someone else’s feelings before we understand our own. Once we develop inward emotional competency, we will avoid projecting our own emotions onto others – the grit that often causes conflict in the first place.

Understanding others

When perceiving the emotional states of others and when building trust and rapport, effective mediators listen more than talk. In my opinion, someone who talks often is expressing anxiety; talking about oneself excessively might be a sign of insecurity. Mediators ought to discern and acknowledge a speaker’s feelings without moral or personal judgment. In addition to noticing how participants feel, mediators should notice how they think. Mediators are well-advised not to deny or argue against someone’s beliefs.

The process of uncovering and unpacking how parties feel about a workplace dispute is not the same as letting them vent about the conflict, which is usually counter-productive. Mediators should help parties understand why they feel the way they do, whether emotions might be clouding their judgment, whether they really understand the case or what the other side really wants, what they dislike about the current situation, and whether they might like to do something about the situation. A series of shorter conversations can build more credibility and trust than one long one. When mediators are genuine in their efforts to learn more about participants, they learn more about the case because participants share more about themselves in the form of stories.

NEXT TIME: What Drives Emotions: The Power of Narratives.